hello    bookmarks    design request    april gale    free stuff    home

June 16, 2020

Book reviews I shouldn't write

This week's Top Ten Tuesday is 'Books on My Summer 2020 TBR (or winter if you’re in the southern hemisphere)' which is kind of boring to me so I came up with an alternative: 'Book reviews I shouldn't write' or perhaps 'Direct and slightly sarcastic book reviews I shouldn't write just because I hated what I read.'  There aren't any specific books for these reviews and you probably shouldn't take them seriously since I wrote them as jokes.

01 | My goldfish read this book also and he thought it kind of sucked but he's a very picky reader so you shouldn't trust his judgement but I somehow agreed with him but only because I'm a picky reader too.

02 | I've not read this book but I heard a lot of things about it and it's so popular that everyone had read it and I've been a bit downtrodden by endless recommendations to read it. But I have zero desire to read it but I got a copy on my bookshelf and I'm going to pretend I've read it just so people won't think I'm weird for not reading it.
 
03 | I read the book but I can't say I like it. I am certain somewhere in this universe or another, someone likes this book, just not me.

04 | I've tried to read this book but the characters drove each crazy and they in term drove me crazy so I gave it to the one person who will truly appreciate it: my talking pet raccoon. He's a bit unhinged but we are not to say that out loud. He loves sleeping on hardcovers because of his bad back and because he knows how expensive hardcovers can be.

05 | I really tried to like this book. I tried reading it while I'm fully awake but it made me drowsy. I tried reading it while half-awake but it again it made me drowsy. I tried reading it with music but I ended up listening to the music instead of reading. I tried reading it while trying to sleep but I couldn't keep my eyes open. I tried reading the ebook version but the words blurred and then my ereader died as if it knew I shouldn't be reading it. I even tried the audio version but the narrator sounded like he was reading a manual for building a closet. Finally, I've come to the conclusion: this book just refused to be liked by me and maybe it sucked in every format. (That last bit was added by my goldfish, he's very opinionated.)

06 | I thought this book would offer some meaningful ideas and a unique story but instead, it just made me want to put it out of its misery, perhaps dropping it into the ocean and getting eaten by a shark or throwing it into a volcano where it will burn for all eternity and never to be read again.

07 | This book depressed me. Yes, it did. I was forced to go to therapy and the therapist told me it is normal to hate books for depressing me and that I should eat a lot of chocolate and buy a lot of books.

08 | Review as written by my pet dragon: He didn't say anything but he blew some smoke out of his nostrils and then he set fire to the book and flew back to his cave for a nap.

09 | I threw this book against a wall and it survived. It's not that it made me angry, it's just that it makes me sad, sad that I had read something so bad and sad that I can't remove some of the bits from my memory. And yes, it did make me slightly angry because I actually pay full price for it.

10 | I've read this book and it was so terrible that I went online and read the negative reviews so I can at least enjoy something from the book: watching other people made fun of it.

What things you wouldn't or shouldn't say in a review? 

For more Top Ten Tuesdays, visit That Artsy Reader Girl here.


20 comments:

  1. LOL. It's hard to write reviews for books you hated, isn't it? I've become much more picky about the books I read, whether they're review books or ones I bought/borrowed from the library - that way I don't have to review books I really hated.

    Happy TTT!

    Susan
    www.blogginboutbooks.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @Susan: I'm picky too but I don't actually have to write reviews so sometimes I just don't.

      Thank you for stopping by. Have a lovely day.

      Delete
  2. OMG, this was so creative. I might have to borrow this idea sometime and write my own version of it. :)

    My TTT .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @Lydia: Borrow it any time.

      Thank you for stopping by. Have a lovely day.

      Delete
  3. I am smiling here.
    I have found some books are better than sleeping pills (but I have to force myself to take the required dose).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @ Elephant's Child: Some books can be too relaxing.

      Thank you for stopping by. Have a lovely day.

      Delete
  4. These are fun. :) I especially smiled at #5. And the goldfish!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @Greg: I don't actually have a goldfish but if I did and if it could talk, well, I'll probably make him read what I don't like.

      Thank you for stopping by. Have a lovely day.

      Delete
  5. Replies
    1. @Deanna: I'm glad you enjoy this.

      Thank you for stopping by. Have a lovely day.

      Delete
  6. Replies
    1. @ Christine: Okay. These aren't real reviews but there might be a book or two that deserves one of these reviews.

      Thank you for stopping by. Have a lovely day.

      Delete
  7. Replies
    1. @ Lectrice: I think so too though I cannot be as funny as I want to be.

      Thank you for stopping by. Have a lovely day.

      Delete
  8. LOL; I'd like to write reviews like those. My problem is, that I always seemed to intensely dislike books that everyone around me simply loved. I learned to shut up, and rather "admit" not having read the book in question than having to tell those nice people that their loved book actually sucks :)
    And now I've gotten older I have made up my mind that you do not HAVE to read a book to the bitter end just because you began reading it, as a consequence I am more often telling the truth when saying that I did not read the book in question.
    Numbers 2, 4 and 9 could have been written by me.
    Thank you for this fun.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @ Charlotte: Sometimes it's better to keep quiet and keep your opinions to yourself.

      There are a lot of books I haven't finished reading because I just didn't want to. Sometimes you just don't.

      Thank you for stopping by. Have a lovely day.

      Delete
  9. I admit to not reading books that everyone else loved, I usually say I tried but this book just isn't for me. Maybe the characters or the writing style made me crazy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @ River: It's better to read what you want instead of what other people want, makes life easier and happier.

      Thank you for stopping by. Have a lovely day.

      Delete
  10. THIS IS GOLD! ��
    Opinionated Goldfish has very good opinions that I'm sure every reader has felt in their soul after finishing terrible books.
    In all honesty though, I've read some books that I just generally didn't like, and I kinda wanted to write a review for it to share all the points as to why I disliked it - but then I decided that I didn't want to dwell on it for a second longer. But in that instance I am exactly like your pet dragon. Get rid of the book (either by returning to the library or if it's my own copy... setting it on fire ��). And take a nice nap.
    Situation resolved!
    Happy Reading! And have a wonderful day! <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @Lin: Opinionated goldfishes have great opinions, yes.

      Sometimes it really is best to ignore that book you didn't like so I don't even mention it on my blog.

      Thank you for stopping by. Have a lovely day.

      Delete

"To practice any art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow. So do it."
- Kurt Vonnegut